Screwed.edu
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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