You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
