Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
