Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
