you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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