Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
