i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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