I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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