community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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