Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
