Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
