***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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