So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
