im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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