God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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