You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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