The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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