I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
