I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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