Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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