I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
