i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
