OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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