Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Mom said you looked used
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
