I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
