We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
