Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
