Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
