Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
