i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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