And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
