I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
