Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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