He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
