and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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