she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
