come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
