check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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