dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I met the friendliest cop last night
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
