I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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