Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
