I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
