Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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