I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
