Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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