I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
