i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
