The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
