just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
