She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
