Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
third nipple confirmed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
