she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
