My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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